Suspended Similar To A Equus Asinus.

It’s tough being different in this world.  Especially when you are surrounded by mediocrity.  Or more commonly, douchewads.
But once in a while, the thing that makes you different also makes you a god!
There are many natural mutations that make you cool and don’t require you to take radioactive waste bubble baths with animals in an attempt to acquire their abilities.
More often than not you’ll end up making a mutant cat army.
Here are a few:
The ability to shoot milk out of your eyes to impress your school buddies and scare girls.
Really, it’s just preparing girls for the real world.
Being double-jointed gives you the power to impress your friends and scare elementary school girls!
Or the power to get my phone number if you are a double-jointed elementary school girl gymnast.
Yes, you’ll fit into my trunk quite nicely.
Being able to fart on command.  That’s just awesome and instantly makes you a hero to any man.
Can you play Freebird? FREEEBIRRRD!

But there is one quality attribute that usually sets most fellas apart.  It is a rare and mysterious condition.  So rare in fact, that it has been dubbed “The White Whale” (by me…just now.)   Though, “The Black Whale” might make more sense…  It has been known most famously to strike school teachers, ambulance drivers and, most of all, surveyors.
It’s hard to explain, really.  Unless I either undo my tight-fitting pants or write you a poem…

Hard to walk sometimes;
the one downfall of being
hung like a donkey.
     —NPX
 
Zip…Boooinggg…Zappp…Thud…Shproingle!…Eeeek!
These are the Typical sounds of someone with a generous package unleashing their unit upon the world.
I left out some of the more graphic sounds because this is a goddamn family site, and I won’t have
that sort of fucking filth plastered all over this page like it is your mother’s face.
A giraffe wrestling a donkey (olympic style)
Note:  This post is not about me, I am not a conceit.
I just have a good old-fashioned, run-of-the-mill giraffe cock.
And if you think the White Whale/Black Whale joke is racist, it’s not.  So jog on.
Original Conept: Dec. 5, 2005 .
Reloaded: May 4, 2011.
Advertisements

One thought on “Suspended Similar To A Equus Asinus.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

w

Connecting to %s