I had to go to the emergency ward the other day to have something looked at.
I was doing jumping hand stands with my shirtless latino trainer (Heyseuss I think) and accidentally pushed off to hard and hit a light fixture.  Long story short, there was a lightbulb in my ass.

Please, no jokes about me being a smart ass.  Or how “that wasn’t a very bright idea.”  Although I do kind of feel like a perverted Uncle Fester.

So after dealing with a couple eye-rolling nurses and a smarmy know-it-all doctor, the offending beacon of light was successfully extracted from deep within my no-fly zone.

After this learning experience, I have come to the conclusion that I will longer be using flourescent tube lighting in my house.

I’m switching back to the old-fashioned, smooth, fist-like incandescent bulbs.  Or at the maybe  the new french-tickler looking energy-efficient twisty bulbs.  They look easy to remove…from the light socket I mean.

I wrote a beautiful haiku which is basically just paraphrasing what Dr. Coldfingers said while examining my situation.

Bowel Obstruction
Is a Nice way of saying
There’s something in your ass.
—NPX

I realize this is not the first post about anal insertions (or even the second).  Nor will be that last if companies keep making easily inserted, phallic candy bars, water bottles and rodents.