5 Completely True Facts About St. Patrick’s Day

Ah, March 17.  The one day of the year where it is acceptable to be drunk by 10AM.  In fact, in some countries it is the law.
After exhausting research we’ve brought you some insane, hard-to-believe, unreferenced truths about the most beer-swillingly, wife-punchingly, green-barfingly day of the year.

And this is for my fallen homeboys in Dublin.

1. Green Food Coloring Triples The Alcohol Content of Any Beer

Pictured: 67% Alcohol

2. If you don’t get in at least 6 fights on March 17, you are considered what the Irish call a “Trick-ass Bitch.”

The first rule of Irish Fight Club is to punch someone in the face and talk about it

3. St. Patrick was a actually invented to fool God into letting people drink on Sunday’s.

"No, honey, I'm praying. Ohh Jesus Christ, here we go again!"

4. Ireland is considered a serious threat to the health and safety of the free world due the rampant, uncontrolled breeding of gingers.

Well, at least he's funny now.

5. Leprechauns are just gay dwarves with flair.  Just ask GLAAD (The Gay Leprechaun Alliance for Attention Deficit Disorder and Bike Rides!) *citation needed

"Here, drink this and show me your four-leaf clover!"

And now a special SPD haiku (Limericks are for assholes & Gypsies!)

A Bloated Liver.
Two Black Eyes; A lot less friends.
St. Pat’s Day After.

Now let’s get pissed!

2 thoughts on “5 Completely True Facts About St. Patrick’s Day

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