…Mine’s More Important and I Don’t Care if You Have One!
Women. I don’t understand them, and I probably never will. It’s hard to put a finger on (or in) any one reason as to why they have such power over men. I don’t even live with one, and yet I find my actions affected by them.
My father gave me some advice that his father gave to him, that his father gave to him:
“Son, I’m going to give you some advice, that my father gave to me, that his father gave to him. Batshit crazy is about as common in women as long hair.”
Spoken like a true scholar! Now, unless you’ve really been in a serious relationship, and have spent 24 hours in the presence of one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse, you may not FULLY understand. But women are emotional creatures. Their mood swings to and fro like my rosebud as I step out of the shower.
Eventually, just ‘being yourself‘ will land you in hot water. Here are some common scenarios you will most likely find yourself in (assuming I’ve had your typical relationship) and things NOT to say or do.
“YOU’RE DRUNK!? We’re supposed to go to my parents tonight?”
Apparently, bailing on Easter Dinner using the excuse ‘too drunk to drive’ is ill-advised and the only time this excuse holds no water.
“No, I’m fine. Nothing is wrong!”
“Okay, good! I won’t have to miss amateur night at the Hooter Barn!” This should put you in pretty good shape I think.
“You know damn well why I am so upset!”
Baby, if I had the powers required to figure out what the hell it was you’re trying to tell me, I would have bought a lottery ticket long ago and would be having this argument with a much better looking woman right now.