Ah, the dawn of a new year.
Another year of murderous world domination plans being foiled by my lethargic inclination.
I would also like to reinforce my abhorrence for all things christmas and christmas-like.
The worst part: people. I loathe people as it is, but people during holidays just get my proverbial, sacrificial goat.
What is it about shopping in a mall that turn otherwise “normal” people into clubbed retards with down syndrome?
If I see you being a douche next year while I am buying myself gifts, I am going to elbow you in the fucking throat.
I will then proceed to shit a turtle-dove on your empty, swollen head. Then, fuck your ass with a cactus.
And if I see any mouthy, sniveling, crying or mouth-breathing children, I am going to eat them.
And to the child’s parents? That’s right…It’s cactus cock time baby. Hold the lube.
I can’t believe I lost the vote for Most Christian Blog.
And now for something relatively different…
This poem works better if you sing it to the Titanic theme song.
I Got A Hummer.
From The Sweetest Little Whore.
Also, Some Herpes.
And in case you’re wondering: yes, the whore was Celion Dion. Actually it may have been a dead rabbit or an onion, I was really loaded.