Iron Fist Review: Episode 3

Well I never thought we’d get here!  Episode 13!  Thank god this is almost over.  What a long, strange, boring trip it’s…wait what?  Only episode 3?!  Ffffffffuuuuuuuuuu

revolver-single-bullet
“Note to self: buy 5 more bullets.”

Episode 3: Rolling Thunder Cock Punch

We open at nighttime at Chikara Doko, sleeping Colleen wakes herself up with her own fart and proceeds to kick some intruders (once again from Rand Ent.) asses who are looking for escaped Danny. Unfortunately for us, she sleeps in a bra and a tanktop…like, pick one, lady!  Turns out Danny is hiding out at her place and she politely tells him to fuck off.

Roll boring intro with emosynth music and smashcut to Ward back at daddy’s hideout.  Ward wakes up Harold from sleep in what I guess is a hyperbaric chamber.  They proceed to chat about how their goons haven’t found Danny yet and acquiring some more shady real estate, namely a pier.  There is a lot of time spent on acquiring this pier throughout the episode from a buyer who doesn’t want to sell.  Time that could have been better spent on better character development.  Anyway, Harold rabbit-punches Ward for disobeying him last episode and basically tells him to STFU and do as I say.

Next morning we see that despite Colleen’s warning, Danny is still at the dojo and practice his Tai Chi which always looks awkward when this actor does them and never really feels natural even though I’m sure he prepped.  Danny and Colleen have a slap fight until Danny lands a leopard punch to her kidney and she tries to kick him out.  But he uses his social retard skills to convince her that he can stay there for a week.
Meanwhile Joy and Ward have yet another argument about what to do with Danny and about that fucking pier.  Shortly after Joy and Danny have a chat back at her house to go over a bunch of stuff we already know, it’s not a terrible scene though.  Joy then offer Danny 100 Million dollars and Danny freaks out about it and scampers away in his sweat pants.  If it were me, my boner would have shot through the air, grabbed a pen and signed the documents before twirling up Joy’s leg like a caduceus.

cadooooo
“They never taught us boundaries in K’un Lun.” *flicks tongue*

Danny goes to visit his and his parent’s graves and notices that all the flowers are fresh and looks they are be kept up with so he inquires about who pays for it since everyone in the family is dead.  Turns out it’s Jeri Hogarth and old intern for Rand Enterprises who viewers will remember from Daredevil and Jessica Jones.  After some convincing, Jeri agrees to take on Danny’s mission to re-insert himself back into the Rand company.  Since Danny has no physical evidence to back up his identity, he has to go digging before they can make a case with merit.
Back at Harold’s he is visited by the Hand and a figure who I’m not sure is supposed to be mysterious or not but it’s clearly Madame Gao from Daredevil.  She is pissed at him for leaving the apartment and also is checking up on the pier deal which is currently in progress with Joy and Ward.
Danny shows back up at the dojo after his meeting with Hogarth and starts deriding all of Colleen’s students for not being respectful or talented.  He starts off trying to teach them but only ends up committing a race crime and getting kicked out by Colleen in her yoga pants which turn my pants into a veiny tent.
Back to the Meachum siblings, we see Joy sealing the pier deal by essentially stealing a liver from a dying child.  I think this scene is supposed to show Joy’s efficacy at her job but it doesn’t come off that way.
Cut back to Danny who is in his new penthouse suite provided by Hogarth so he can have some more flashbacks.  It looks like we are going to get some more insight into his training but all we see is him, as a bald child, getting caned by three monks…which isn’t that much different from my last Thursday night (he wasn’t a monks but was wearing a robe.)

Ryan Elizabeth Walker 2335
“Lesson one. Grab that shea butter.”

The next day it seems that Jeri is struggling with finding any sort of proof that Danny is who he says he is.  Danny remembers that he broke his arm skateboarding as a kid and heads to the hospital to find an x-ray and apparently it’s just no problem to wander anywhere around in a hospital amongst patients private records.  In the storage room he is met with another Rand Ent. goon who sets fire to the records room but not before Danny uses his Iron Fist to punch some brass knuckles off the goons hand which I’m pretty sure should liquefy that guys bones but he seems fine and escapes when Danny goes to save a nurse that had been knocked out.  This SUPER pisses Danny off so he confronts the Meachums at some rich restaurant, causes a scene and basically swears that he is going to take back what is rightfully his.
Shortly after we cut to a cage fight and see Colleen lurking in the crowd itching for a fight. She signs on to fight some as the Daughter of the Dragon and ends up pairing with some huge beefcake named Rusty.  It’s a pretty good fight and she ends up fucking the guy up after using the same leopard punch move that Danny used to giver her bloody pee earlier. Seems sad that this almost the end of episode 3 and the best fight so far has been with a secondary character.

JH whip
“Get used to it, bitches.”

The next day at Rand Ent. we are treated to a meeting with Danny, Hogarth, Joy, Ward, et al.  to discuss the viability of Danny’s claim to heir.  As it turns out Danny made Joy a clay bowl when they were kids and it has his fingerprint on the bottom and is a perfect match. At this point it is unclear whether Danny has stolen said bowl or if Joy presented it to him as she was staring at it earlier in a short scene before the cage fight.
Danny overhears part of Ward’s conversation with Harold and it gets his Fisty-sense tingling so he follows Ward to the penthouse.  Unable to find a suitable way up, he climbs outside the building and scales up to a window where, oh no, he is pushed out of the window by a shadowy figure.  Smashcut to credits.

hans
“I feel your pain, broooooooo”

Pretty dialogue-heavy episode with only Colleen’s fight as a real distraction.  At least hopefully we are done with that pier bullshit and spend less time in the Rand boardroom.
So for Danny’s ability seems like it could be replicated with closing your hand around a bright flashlight.

Running Count:
People Iron Fisted: 0
Doors Iron Fisted: 1
Weapons Iron Fisted: 1

 

 

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