On a daily basis I am honored to be in the presence of many inappropriate names. For example: Harry Hole and Harry Dick. There’s a Dr. Pap. And my personal favorite, Jesus Good.
I was at a comedy show the other day, and a couple behind me kept bitching about how the comedian kept swearing (dipshits.) I then heard the wife ask her husband, “I sure hope Purvis is okay with the babysitter.” Now I’m sure the babysitter is fine – but with a name like that, that child is going to grow up to be a serial rapist or have a healthy collection of hooker torso’s stored in his fridge.
Celebrities are not exempt either. I’m looking at you, Cloris Leachman. Cloris sounds like a stinky STD. Cloris is the word that you would hear if you asked a drunken muppet where you should lick a woman. Cloris sounds like something you would throw in you laundry to get out blood and turkey gravy stains. I think you get the point. It’s one of the worst names in the world. Great lady though!
However, these monstrous monikers are not limited to people. You can also have an obscene postal code (same as a ZIP code if you are from the US.) If you live in Delta, British Columbia, you would have the honor of having the postal code V4G1N4. You can even buy t-shirts, and key chains to exhibit how this is such an awesome place to live. It’s not like conservatives can get mad – you’re just representing your ‘hood, yo. Respeck!
Now we can pass our sights on to the Asian culture…I don’t know if they just have no idea, or if this would be socially acceptable in their culture, or maybe these things actually do take part in their public bathrooms – I draw your attention to a picture a friend of mine took on her way to Thailand:
OK. Well, let’s work this out together. Starting from the left I am going to number the symbols 1 through 7:
1) The standard “woman” sign.
2) The standard “handicapped woman” sign.
3) At first glance, this one looks like a gunshot victim. But upon closer inspection, you find that it is not a circular hole, but a + sign. So I can only assume that it means first-aid, but the cross is so low that I am not sure. Possibly this bathroom has special seating for mathematicians and accountants.
4) Thankfully, this bathroom offers free pelvic exams and from a dirty janitor. That, or vagina punching is huge in Thailand (coming to North America soon!)
5) This bathroom offers toilets facing each other so white people can talk to babies, midgets or Asians while pooping.
6) Also there is a bed to tuck the babies, midgets or Asians into if they get sleepy after the poop (I know I do.)
7) Obviously, FREE ABORTIONS!
These are all reasons why living on this planet makes it all worthwhile.
Now a Haiku for all the freaks who enjoy life’s little treasures as much as I do:
Look! Finger paintings!
Pictures all over the walls.
Boy it smells like shit.
—cVp
The Space Boner 