Monthly Archives: June 2006

Crippling Suicidal Depression? Check.

Ever fall head-over-heels for a girl only to realize that your pretty sure she has no feelings for you, whatsoever?  Yeah, me too.

 

I’ve always wanted to do one of these.  I may as well since I get twenty of them a day.
It’s not all funny, but I am tired, so eat my anus.

1. FIRST NAME:Cary.

2. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE? Cary Grant.

3. WHEN DID YOU LAST CRY? Boys Don’t Cry…after watching that movie.

4. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING? Yes, and so do you.

5. WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE LUNCH MEAT? Super-Bacon.
6. KIDS? 
Maybe for dinner.
7. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU? No, I’m Too Awesome.
8. DO YOU HAVE A JOURNAL? No, I have a Diary.

9. DO YOU USE SARCASM A LOT? I Most Certainly Do Not.
10. DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS?
 Yes.  Several other people’s as well.
11. WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP? 
If they could find enough bungees.
12. WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE CEREAL? Super-Bacon Bits.

13. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF? Velcro, baby.  No Strings Attached.

14. DO YOU THINK YOU ARE STRONG? And handsome.

15. WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE ICE CREAM FLAVOUR? Super-Bacon Ripple.
16. SHOE SIZE? 13.
17. RED OR PINK? 
Pink.
18. WHAT IS THE LEAST FAVOURITE THING ABOUT YOURSELF? My stinky taint.

19. WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST? Jesus.

20. DO YOU WANT EVERYONE TO SEND THIS BACK TO YOU? Why?  I just fucking wrote it.

21. WHAT COLOUR PANTS/SKIRT AND SHOES ARE YOU WEARING? Mauve & Chartreuse.

22. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE BREAKFAST? Hooker Spit.

23. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW? Angry Jackie.

24. IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOUR WOULD YOU BE? Nigger Black.

25. WHAT’S YOUR FAVOURITE SMELL? Hooker Spit-Fried Super Bacon.

26. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE? Some Broad.
27. THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE YOU ARE ATTRACTED TO? Her Hair.

28. DO YOU LIKE THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS TO YOU? I Don’t Not Hate Them.

29. FAVOURITE DRINK? The Blood of recent victims.

30. FAVOURITE SPORT? Dwarf Eating.
31. EYE COLOUR? Grey.

32. HAT SIZE? XL, to hold my big bran (sic).

33. DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS? I’ve been known to write numbers on my hand.
34. FAVOURITE FOOD? Clown Diarrhea.

35. SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDING? Scary.
36. LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED AT THE MOVIES? 
Superman Returns.
37. WHAT COLOUR SHIRT ARE U WEARING? Herb.

38. SUMMER OR WINTER? This question needs some clarification.

39. HUGS OR KISSES? Donkey Punches.

40. FAVOURITE DESSERT? Hooker Bacon.

41. WHO IS THE MOST LIKELY LEAST TO RESPOND? Floor Tiles.
42. MOST LIKELY TO RESPOND? People.

43. WHAT BOOKS ARE YOU READING? The Count of Monte Cristo.

44. WHAT’S ON YOUR MOUSE PAD? Semen Stains.
45. WHAT DID YOU WATCH ON TV LAST NIGHT? Memento & Pornography.

46. WHAT’S YOUR SPECIAL TALENT? Alienating people.  Also, Golden Showers.

Winnie The Pooh Is Full of Anti-Semetic Holocaust References.

That’s right, Tigger is a symbol of a right-wing socialist régime…that likes to bounce.
Eeyore, and how he is constantly losing his tale, is obviously a reference to ever-changing European sympathies towards the Third Reich.
Piglet is the Jew hating (hence him being a pig) caricature of the "superior race".
Owl is Himmler.
And Winnie The Pooh, himself, is Hitler.  In addition to pudding, Hitler also loved Hunny!
 
It’s all right there!  You just have to read between the lines.
Either that, or it’s just a kids cartoon.  But probably not.
 
A Ménage à Trois.
Is Not Entirely Fun,
When Your By Yourself.
     —NPX
 
 
 

Where Have All The Bad Girls Gone?

The smell of bacon puts me at half-mast.
I guess that may need explanation.
Can’t Find A Cheap Date?
Blame Willie Pickton.  He’s Been
Hogging All The Chicks.
—NPX
For those of your who are not from BC, or unfamiliar with Willie Pickton, here’s a link to explain why this blog is the funniest thing you’ve ever read in your life. Go…HERE!
Since Pickton, the price of pork has sky-rocketed (especially in Japan, fucking weirdos).  Hot-dog prices of risen to $15 for 15 minutes or $25 for a half hour.  And that’s just for one dog!  If you wanted two at once, which is every man’s fantasy, the price nearly triples.
Don’t even get me started on sweet & sour pork.
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